One Handed

On Life with One Hand by Keiron McCammon

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Archives for 2009

How Do You See Yourself?

December 12, 2009 by keiron 3 Comments

I got a message recently from a high school senior who’d visited my blog, he had a birth defect that affected one of his hands and had recently become more conscious about it in social settings. He asked if I had anything to share.

Well this got me thinking, really thinking, what was it I had learnt since losing my hand 3 or so years back that I might be able to share? For what it’s worth, here’s what I came up with.

First, right at the beginning my mindset was that whilst I might have a disability, I didn’t consider myself disabled. My disability wasn’t who I was, it wasn’t my ‘identity’ or how I saw myself. I decided to have fun with my disability, to challenge my disability and be playful about it with others.

Secondly, I refused to see myself as being any different. I knew that if I started to see myself differently then other’s would pick up on it and feel differently, even awkward, around me, which I would then pick up on, which would then re-inforce my own negative feelings and start a vicious cycle. If you see yourself differently from how you wish others to see you, don’t be surprised when you perceive that others see you thus. If you feel incomplete, or disabled, or disfigured or whichever way it is for you, then with that in your mind you’ll start to perceive that that’s how others are thinking of you, it’s all bullshit, but, that’s just the way the mind works.

Thirdly, I look odd, people will stare, it means nothing, it’s just a natural reaction. Hell, when I catch myself in the mirror I stare, my body lacks symmetry, the human mind is used to symmetrical bodies. The question is, what does it mean to you when you catch someone glancing your way? Whatever you think they are thinking, I can guarantee you are wrong, you have no way of knowing what the other person thinks, so I prefer to believe they find me so incredibly attractive that they can’ help but look my way. I just smile, be open to questions or just continue on my way. Forget the stories you tell yourself about what you think they are thinking, again it’s bullshit. Generally I’m oblivious to it, but occasionally I’ll catch someone and it makes me smile.

Here’s a great video on this very topic:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dn1L5ClWGqo&w=500&h=405]

I hope that this might help someone in some small way, remember you get to decide the meaning you attach to an event in your life…why not make that meaning serve you rather than hinder you.

On the Mend and Metalwork Gallore

November 6, 2009 by keiron Leave a Comment

Elbow After Surgery
Elbow After Surgery

I’ve been recovering fast after my surgery a few weeks back. It’s been a real case of deja-vu, it was like losing my hand all over again. Since my arm had swollen too nearly twice it’s size after the surgery (much better now) I couldn’t wear my prosthetic, so it was back to making do with one hand again. It was surprising how used to my i-Limb hand I was…I really miss it!

The surgery was successful, if a little long (over 5 hrs). My collar-bone now has a plate holding it together, which is great since it stabilizes the shoulder nicely. My elbow was a bit of a surprise, however. I didn’t expect to end up with so much metal work: a plate, screws, pins and even some wire, as you can see from the fluoroscope images. It’s amazing the amount of damage I did.

Shoulder Surgery
Shoulder Surgery
Elbow Surgery
Elbow Surgery

Now that my arm is back to normal size my one challenge is that, with all the metal work in my elbow its circumference has increased and my prosthetic sockets still don’t fit. Fortunately I still have my original socket from a couple of years back, and whilst it’s not ideal, at least it fits…which means I can drive again.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I don’t have to get new prosthetic sockets made, only time will tell.

Broken Bones And Shattered Dreams

October 13, 2009 by keiron 6 Comments

In Hospital
In Hospital

As many of you know I’ve been training for the last 5 months for my first half Ironman triathlon, Big Kahuna in Santa Cruz. Unfortunately on Saturday my training came to a crashing halt, quite literally.

A group of us training for Big K (as the race is affectionately known) had gone down to Santa Cruz to train on the course in preparation for the race in 2 weeks. We were doing an hour and a half cycle out and back on Highway 1. It was on the way back that things went pear-shaped.

Broken Helmet
Broken Helmet

There is a section of Highway 1, just after the crest of a hill, where an old rail track crosses the road diagonally. I remembered riding over it on the way out and it was a little gnarly on my race bike with its razor blades for tires. On the way back it caught me a bit by surprise, you don’t see it until you crest the hill, and a thought went through my mind, “hope my wheel doesn’t get caught in the track”. Which, as you can guess, is exactly what happened, just as I picking up speed and going 15-20 mph. The next thing I know I’m down hard on my left hand side skidding along the road on my helmet and left arm…and then Ray hit me, he’d been riding just behind me and didn’t have time to take evasive action. So both of us were down in the middle of Highway 1…I guess we should count ourselves lucky there weren’t any cars behind us.

If anyone needed a reason to wear a helmet when riding here it is, my old Specialized helmet took the brunt of the impact and I watched the road skid by as it protected my head and face from major trauma, I’m serious when I say that without the helmet I would not be here writing this post!

Shoulder X-ray
Shoulder X-ray

Whilst my helmet fortunately saved my head, my left elbow and shoulder didn’t fare so well. As I fell to the left my elbow impacted the road hard, I had been on my aero bars and it happened so quickly I didn’t have time to react at all. My elbow fractured and the force of the impact fractured my clavicle (collar-bone) as well. After I managed to sit up and catch my breath I could feel my collar-bone was broken (didn’t know about my elbow at that point) and got my team mates, who had arrived at the scene, to call for an ambulance.

Elbow X-ray
Elbow X-ray

I don’t know how, but a policeman was there in only 5 minutes or so, even before we called for an ambulance. He was taking my details and then asked whether I’d seen the sign warning cyclists to slow down and walk their bikes across the tracks…duh, missed those on the way out and on the way back! Me thinks they need bigger signs, flashing neon ones perhaps. Apparently they have about 30 bike accidents at that spot each year, given the tracks aren’t in use any more you wonder why they don’t fill the damn things in, anyone know a good lawyer…

So now I’m out of the race and due to the severity of the breaks I’ll be going in for surgery on both my shoulder and elbow. One thing you can say about me is, if I have an accident, then I *really* have an accident!

I’ll keep you updated on my progress after the surgery, I’m sure it’ll be a few months before I’m back in the saddle again, as Arnie says, “I’ll be back”.

Oh, and the bike, that’s in pretty good shape, luckily my body saved it from any major damage…seriously, it hardly has a scratch on it!

Around Lake Tahoe by Bike

October 4, 2009 by keiron Leave a Comment

Up in Tahoe
Up in Tahoe

My half Ironman Triathlon is coming up fast on October 25th! Yesterday’s training schedule called for a long bike ride, 56 miles, in preparation. Since I was up in Tahoe for the weekend I figured what better place to ride than around the lake.

The ring around Lake Tahoe is about 73 miles, I planned on riding 56 miles and having Kerry come pick me up, which meant I would get to go around 2/3rds of the lake at least.

I headed out at 8:30am on Highway 89, from South Lake Tahoe, and headed clockwise towards Emerald Bay, the first big climb. As I would learn during the ride, it sure ain’t flat up here. The lake is at 6,200′ and the roads around are continually going up and down, the highest climb to over 7,000′. Of course by going clockwise I got to ride the hilliest 2/3rds of the lake (great choice)!

Apart from the cold (what else would you expect in October, I couldn’t feel my toes numerous times), and the wind which was blowing 20+mph and at nearly blowing me of the bike, it was a beautiful ride. It took me 3 hours 45 minutes to complete my distance, finishing just before Cave Rock (the tunnel on Highway 50). Kerry meet me there, with a hot cup of tea and my run shoes ready for a quick 10 minute transition run.

All-in-all a great days training and given the snow we got Saturday night/Sunday morning I’m sure glad I did the bike yesterday…although the snow sure looks pretty.

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Keiron McCammon

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